Since we started getting back in shape a couple of years ago, we've also started truly enjoying hikes and more adventurous activities. We used to "enjoy" "hikes", if by "hike" we meant a largely leisurely stroll through the woods on basically level ground, and by "enjoy" we meant "didn't break a sweat".
Things are much different now. We've been doing P90X and similar workouts for a couple of years, and my new approach to hiking is as follows:
1: go to park office/visitor center
2: find hiking brochure
3: locate longest or most difficult trail, and declare that this is the one we're taking
4: pack some snacks and water and get to it
This is how we wound up on Skyline Trail, which was both the longest AND the most difficult (a two for one deal!). It's an interesting trail because all of the brochures say it's 5 miles long, but the park people said it's actually either 6, 7, or 9 miles long (they couldn't make up their minds). There is cell phone service in the park, so they told us to call if we got into trouble. I wondered why everyone was so anxious to scare us off before we started.
The problem as I see it is this: most places that say "expert trail" or "experienced hikers" generally mean only that the trail is not wheelchair accessible. Or that you might have to climb a grade once or twice. The roughest trail in the Wichita Mountains at the other end of the state fits this description: it's only hard if you go on a 100-degree day and don't bring any water. So when they started waving the voodoo sticks and giving us last rites, I'm all "pfft. Yeah, whatever."
It turns out that Skyline Trail is no joke. There are climbs that would require handholds if they were any steeper, and not just for 20 or 50 feet. Worse for me are the downhills of the same grade -- something about my right knee and ankle has hated a downhill slope since I was in my 20's.
I keep a mental list of my friends and acquaintances who are "outdoorsy", either in actuality or in their own minds. I like to pretend I know when they would drop off the excursion, and the crowd gets smaller and smaller. By the time we reached the 1/3 point marked by crossing a private road, I was down to my boss and his (adult) son. A couple of friends needed to be airlifted out. One fell to the ground and screamed "leave me! Save yourselves!"
The second third of the trip started really testing us. I remember at one point we were climbing a hill, and when we reached the top we found that someone had stacked another, longer, steeper hill on top of it. Just like life.
We were closing in on the 2/3 point when we came across some other hikers headed the opposite direction. We'd been on the trail for 2.5 hours at this point, and they said there was about an hour and a half behind them. By this time we'd gone through enough downhills that my right leg was starting to complain, although it was nothing compared to the imaginary children in my head.
("Daddy, I'm tired. Are we going to be done soon? How much longer is this?")
I've already got it in my head that the kids and I are going camping at some point, and that it's going to be real "roughing it" camping, not this nonsense at a park campsite where the electricity and modern conveniences are 50 yards away. But I had to admit to myself that Skyline Trail probably has a minimum age limit -- probably 16 years old unless the kid shows signs of some serious toughness earlier on.
The final third of the trail was an exercise in pain management. I got to the point where my right knee refused to bend on the downhills, my right ankle was producing this sickening grinding sensation, and I had to crab-step down like a 2-year-old learning to negotiate stairs. I probably would have done much better had I been wearing actual hiking boots instead of sneakers, but I was more enthusiastic than prepared. I remember at one point I said to myself "I can make it down this slope if this is the last one I have to do." Unfortunately I said that with 6 slopes left to go. Once again, kind of like life.
In the end though, through determination and as they say on TV, "a triumph of the human spirit", not to mention the desire to not wind up on the nightly news (or an episode of "I shouldn't be alive"), we finished the trail and limped back to the car. We immediately went for something to eat, then raced back to the cabin to soak our beaten bodies in the hot tub. My knee is still a little sore as I write this, but I'll survive, and we've got a great memory of the day we conquered Skyline Trail.
Today we're off to Texarkana to see what they've got to offer in the way of entertainment that doesn't require grinding bone against bone. It's her birthday, after all. I probably shouldn't death march her on her birthday. It might be seen as rude.
