Playing House

As we live out the preparation and anticipation of becoming parents, my wife and I find ourselves engaging in hypothetical daydreaming about our various activities, and how they would be changed with the addition of kids. I call this "playing house"... after the game almost everyone played as a kid.

We always sort of assume that we're talking about children between the ages of 4 and 12 or so. I think that might be because that's what we desire, but sometimes I find myself considering what would change with a teenager. Kids under the age of 3 or 4 would change everything so radically that I don't really have a way to easily grasp it, so I try not to think about it.

Yesterday brought a sobering example of the exercise. It was about 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and neither of us had slept well the night before, so we were both hitting a real low point in our energy levels. We were out running errands, but we agreed to skip a few and head home to take a nap instead.

That's when it hit us: how would the scenario play out with kids? Is it even possible to get a nap in on a Sunday afternoon with kids between the ages of 4 and 12? Sure, with a teenager handy you could always have them keep an eye on the younger ones, but what if we didn't have a teenager handy? I saw myself chugging 5-Hour Energy and Dr. Pepper in a desperate bid to stay awake long enough to buy my wife a nap, since if she doesn't nap when she's that tired, it's Migraine City.

My biggest worry though is how I'll react to kids when I'm dragging my rear end around. I'm capable of a fair amount of calm and serenity when I've had sleep and feel centered. I'm also capable of being a raging grizzly bear when I haven't. In some ways, it's good for kids to have a little fear of Dad, but I don't want that to be the normal state of affairs. Angry doesn't usually communicate love very well, and I'm already concerned about my ability to form and express that parental bond with my kids, especially if they come from a background that makes them mistrustful of such bonds. I'm also an introvert, which is already a hindrance to forming even new casual relationships, to say nothing of deeper ones.

I spent some time pondering all this as we drove home, and even though I got my nap, I think by the time we pulled into the garage, I had found some reserve of energy that said I could have made it through the next several hours if I'd needed to. That gives me a fair amount of hope and optimism for the future.